Thursday, January 6, 2011

On being a good person...

I can always remember being sensitive.  Now I'm not sensitive in the "cry all the time" manor, but instead in the ability to feel things in a much different way manor. Maybe sensitive isn't the word I'm looking for, maybe its empathetic.  When I was a little kid I used to cry because I would loose one of the socks from a pair. I felt this strange overwhelming amount of sadness that now all of the sudden the other sock was all alone and pretty much worthless. Its was like it had no purpose anymore and couldn't be anything. So I would keep them forever and ever, until I had a huge drawer full of random mis-matched socks.  Another prime example of this is that I remember countless weekends where I would take the huge stack of classifieds that come in the Sunday paper, you know the one's that my parents just instantly throw away every week. Well I would take them out  out the trash and meticulously look at each and every page.  Now it wasn't because I wanted to buy anything or even liked half the stores. It was because I felt bad for the poor person whose job it was to create these adds, and the thought that everyone just threw them out so carelessly was so overwhelmingly sad for me. I felt sorry for that person and my solution was to spend my own time to be  that "someone" who read em.  So what is this behavior? Is it sensitivity or empathy? Maybe the best answer is both.

Sympathy and empathy are both acts of feeling, but with sympathy you feel for the person; you’re sorry for them or pity them, but you don’t specifically understand what they’re feeling. Sometimes we’re left with little choice but to feel sympathetic because we really can’t understand the plight or predicament of someone else. It takes imagination, work, or possibly a similar experience to get to empathy. Empathy can best be described as feeling with the person. To an extent you are placing yourself in that person’s place, have a good sense of what they feel, and understand their feelings to a degree. It may be impossible to be fully empathetic because each individual reactions, thoughts and feelings to tragedy are going to be unique. Yet the idea of empathy implies a much more active process. Instead of feeling sorry for, you’re sorry with and have clothed yourself in the mantle of someone else’s emotional reactions

Ok I didn't write that I stole it form the dictionary online but I though that is a easy way figure out which I am. I think the answer really is that I'm  a little of both.   So now the question is is it ok to be both?  According to popular belief;  Is it a bad thing to be too empathetic towards others and also being  too sympathetic is weak and condescending.  So can you can do this too much.  Maybe you come across as too nice and hence an easy target. Or you can get preoccupied with being  so caring, sympathetic or empathetic and wind up neglecting other needful areas of your life. Some people can seem like so much of one and it then makes the person they are being like this with feel uncomfortable. That other person might start thinking the sympathizer/empathizer really doesn't understand, is somehow beginning to make the situation about themselves and perhaps is actually mocking them.  I mean is it really so bad? in the spectrum of horrible things is this the worst? I think its just that now days people are scared to feel something out side of the comfort zone. Is it too emotionally draining to have to put thoughts and feeling on to someone or something that might not give it back to you? I mean the creator of those adds didn't care that I was reading them. Heck he probably didn't care that nobody read them, and my minuscule amount of effort meant nothing to him.  It wasn't like he ever called me up and said thanks.. I didn't matter.  and heck I never got any lick of thanks from the random socks...LOL 

So is this what our kids get to expect. A cold feeling less non emotional non sympathetic and empathetic society? God I would hate if that is whats to come.  One of the things I like most about myself is that I had, even as a child, this huge realm of feeling and emotions. So much that I could pull out that much  feeling for something as simple as a lost sock, or a unknown person who makes adds. And I never expected anything in return for it.. This is a good quality I possess.. No I take it back.. This is a Great quality I posses!!  And sadly sorely lacking in our current society a lot. So see I am a good person already. I always have been a good person.  Its not a new thing for me, but its just remembering the basics of who I am. So from now on I am going to just remember that foundation I started to build as a child.

2 comments:

  1. I can empathize with this post... LOL I've always been extremely sensitive... it does tend to make me over-react, however. This may not be such a good thing, but I think it's a trait that sensitive people carry. I, too, have come to accept this as who I am and wouldn't want to change it. I love you the way you are and probably has a lot to do with your sympathetic/empathetic nature. I also think you are way better at using this trait to your advantage in life whereas I just sorta sit around and hide it from everyone.

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  2. A great person with a huge heart!! and I love you MOM

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