I had a weird date yesterday. I tend to find that I have more weird date’s then good or even really horrible dates. I’m disappointed that this date turned out to just be weird because I had high expectations. But looking back, I know it was foolish for me to have any sort of expectations because you would think that by now I should know better. Like most of my dates lately I men him online. He is a few years older then me. OK honestly he is ten years older then me being 42. This is not a huge thing because I truly believe that age is just a number and the quality and characteristics of a person can really be ageless. In my 32 years so far I have met fifty year old's who have the maturity level of a twelve year old, and I have seen the opposite as well, where the person may have had to grow up by the time they were 12. Maybe I am more attune to this though, being as that is how I have always considered myself to fit.
Anyways back to my date. His name is Clayton, he’s 42, and like I mentioned we met online. He had an add and I think I found something appealing in it so I thought I would take a chance and respond. Here’s the thing about me. I know that being a bigger woman I have a harder time finding people who are attracted to me… and whatever I deal. I mean I know that if your throw me in a room with 100 guys only one or two will take the chance and want to talk to me. Then out of those two maybe one will be a little attractive to me. Then if by chance those two things mesh up, what’s the likely hood that we'll have anything in common or things to talk about. If by chance all those things just happen to fall in place, then what’s the chance that we'll be looking for the same things or what not. I mean with odds like this why do I even bother with dating. It’s almost easier to just not and accept that my life is full and happy being by my self.
But then people like Clayton sneak in and shake up that theory. See he had a nice add. He seemed to want the same things as me and he even had a few pictures so as much as I could tell he seemed fairly cute. He mentioned nothing about what his ideal woman would look like. So that made me a bit nervous, because like I said being big is usually the thing that ends it before it starts. So anyways, I took this shot by answering his add and send off a random reply in return. Much to my surprise he sent one back and a nice dialog developed between us. Some where along the next few messages we exchanged pictures and he had nothing but awesome things to say about me and he seemed to look his age but was more distinguished then old looking. The nice thing was that it seemed like we had very similar writing and speaking styles and were quickly discovering that we had a fair amount in common as well. The few days of exchanging letters were enjoyable and when he suggested meeting I felt no hesitation.
This brings us to the date. Now I’ll admit that I have had some truly horrible dates. In all honestly most of them in the last ten years have been so. But I still approach each on with optimism and think the very best. I mean I know dating is what I have to do in order to find that person who is going to change my life forever or completely or whatnot… Or heck even just fill some time and keep me company for a bit. So Clayton does that super annoying thing where he wants me to pick the place to meet. He says it because he is new to the area and doesn’t know anywhere, but in actuality its cause he is an indecisive man who can’t make a simple decision. I suggested a local restaurant near my work that has a nice outdoor seating area and a variety of food choices. He agreed and we made plans to meet at five on Saturday. When I arrived at the restaurant I noticed that in person he seemed less distinguished and more just old. His face was pretty weathered like he had had a life time of shit happen to it. He was dressed as I would expect for the casual restaurant and he gave me an awkward hug. He was a nice guy who had a bunch of stories to tell and we had good conversation. I wasn’t super attracted to him and didn’t feel this huge jolt of chemistry, but I was enjoying myself immensely so I kept an open mind.
After the dinner he asked if I wanted to take a walk to down to the beach, one nice thing is that we have this shared love of the ocean, I agreed because like I said I was truly enjoying myself. As soon as this walk started he became all touchy feeling. Wanting to hold my hand… (Awkward) he wanted to put his hand all over my butt… (More awkward) and then he started to tell me all about his herpes infections. How he has had mouth herpes since he was a child and had been exposed to genital herpes when he was married to one of his three wives. Yes he has three ex-wives that he talked about on this first date. (Lol a common trend for me in my dates) Now I know herpes isn't a total deal breaker and that many people have them, or carry then with out knowing, or even have them and never have outbreaks and could spred it to others. But I still thought it was kinda presumpious to jump right into the genital herpes talk on the first date. But again I had an open mind so I asked him some quiestions about his herpes. He did that thing where he just seemed to write it off as it was nothing. I mean he had no knowlege about the disease and just played it like it was so unpreventable and not a big deal. But like its obviously unpreventable.. in my 32 years I have never gotten it right. And It was weird that I seemed to know more about the medical side of herpes then he did when he was the one with it. I mean these were all bad signs but oddly I still wasn’t totally turned off. I still felt enough enjoyment with our conversation that I was willing to give the second date a chance and see him again because I mean first dates are always kinda weird. I told him as much when he asked me how I was feeling a little later. I said that I had this really nice life and that I filled my time with a job I loved and activities that bring me joy. I told him that I didn’t have a ton of time but would love to find that person who supports me in it all. Again we seemed to be on the same page.
As we walked back he again tried to get pretty grabby and I had to kind of put my foot down on it. We got back to my car and he asked if he could kiss me good night. I wasn’t in any way feeling this so I told him nicely that I don’t kiss on the first date. We talked about going out again sometime and saying that he would email me tomorrow. I left feeling ok. I mean it wasn’t perfect but it was enjoyable and maybe that would be something to grow and build on. This morning I got an email from him asking if I would consider a casual relationship and talking all about how touching me aroused him so much. And it was all sexually charged and downright dirty! I was shocked! I mean here was this guy who I thought I had done all the right stuff with and once again I was being asked to be some lame ass disrespected friend with benefit. I mean he is divorced three times, herpes ridden and old. Yet I was willing to see how it played out and take a chance on another date. I had an open mind right. This was so crap. It was like he heard nothing I said all night and the date was moot. I thought I had made things clear and spelled them out really well. And even worse he made it seem like he not just agreed but was one the same page. So what’s the deal universe? Don’t I get to have a break sometime? I mean I’m a good person, I’m not desperate I have zero expectations anymore. But can’t I just not have every date end in disaster? Now I’m back to just being bitter and angry and unwilling to even want to put myself out there again. I mean who needs dating when that’s how it ends up right? I’m sure it will fade in a little bit and I’ll return to my normal, happy and optimistic self, but until then I’m going to revel in all this bitterness for a bit.
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