Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Maybe I'm back again

When I started this blog I had no idea what to expect from it. I figured that maybe if I wrote down some of these random thoughts it would eventually make its self into something relevant. I wasn’t sure if I could go through with sharing some of the more intimate details of my life with the public, but as the months have gone by I am happy to know that some of my demons have been brought into the open and now I can account for some of my actions without having to explained them. I have no idea where I want it to go or if I’m ever going to get anything important from it. But hopefully I will some day when I look back on all the entries.

What I do know is that sometimes I just sit down without thinking I have anything to talk about and suddenly I’m writing a ton of stuff and have like four entries.  This last month I felt the exact opposite. I never once went to write something down, even some of the stuff that I have been internally wrestling with. And every time I did try I would just sit here my hands hovering above the keyboard, stuck before even being able to start until I just finally gave up. See the one thing I do know is that I never wanted this Blog to become a chore. I’m not forcing myself to write even if I have nothing to write about. I’m not writing it for any of those people who read it but for myself and my own enjoyment.  I’m really just hoping that maybe some day I’ll look back and feel satisfied that I spent some time to turn my random thoughts into a collection of how I became my future self. 

I know this last month I have been absent. On September first I said that I was going to have to make sure I start writing things again, but as soon as I said it, I asked myself why? I mean why do I have to? I always want to feel like I can give this up the second it become too much of a task or a chore. But today as I sat down to just write a few sentence explanation about why I again have been absent; works been super busy, busy, I’ve been really tired and doing a ton of house sitting again in August.  Here I am turning those few sentences into a few paragraphs, so maybe this is a sign that I am back in the mode of writing again. I guess I have honestly missed doing it so who knows maybe the month of September will be extra full of the million of things I couldn’t seem to write about in August. Or maybe this is a one time fluke and I’m never going to be able to do it again all month.  This lack of pressure is why I think this whole process works for me.  No it is why it works for me… No thinking about it required.

For my final note, now I do know that some of my readers have really enjoyed and do look forward to these random entries I post, and I never want you to think I do not appreciate that immensely. It’s nice to know that people are getting to know me in a way that I could never share of myself in person.  I have not given up on anything with this blog instead I’m just going with the flow.

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